My Hollywood Plan

7/28/2022 5:54 am |

When I decide to go Howard Hughes and go to Hollywood and make movies, I've already figured out my thing. You know, every director has a thing. M. Night Shyamalan makes movies with twists. Spielberg is simply about making great movies. Christopher Nolan makes blockbusters which you feel smart if you understand (or just say you understand so you don't appear dumb to your friends.) Ron Howard makes movies that tug your heartstrings and wistful for simpler times. George Lucas' is proving that you don't have to be a great writer to make great movies. You know, that sort of thing.

Well, when I decide to go make movies, I want to be known as the director who creates "alternate realities." I don't necessarily mean in my movies, though I might do that too. But when I have a movie come out, I want to pick a theater somewhere in the world like say- Sioux City, Iowa. And what I'll do is everywhere in the world gets the movie, except Sioux City. A theater there gets a movie with a significant difference from the rest of the world's for the first showing, and JUST the first showing. After that the alternate film is destroyed / deleted / erased.

Say, if I made 'Titanic,' Sioux City would get the version where the ship doesn't sink and everyone is rescued and Rose and Jack live happily ever after. Or, maybe, if I made Ocean's Eleven, I'd have a version shown in Icapuí, Brazil that would feature Tom Cruise as Rusty instead of Brad Pitt. Or I'd make Spinal Tap, and the version in Hasselt, Belgium would go to 12 instead of 11.

You get the idea.

I'd refuse to answer questions or ever acknowledge it. Everyone on the film would be contractually obligated to do the same.

Everytime a movie of mine came out, the world would be wondering where the alternate reality would appear. And only after the first film goers left their theater would they find out if they had just been transported to an alternate reality from everyone else.

After I die, my autobiography would come out. And, well... you can guess what I'd do with it.